It was a busy day in the hospital , nurses running in and out of labour room . I reached at my usual time and was surprised to see no one at the nursing station. I wanted the list of patients to go on rounds and take a look at how my life is a gift and there is much pain in the world than I have ever imagined. That’s the everyday emotional trauma.
With a great difficulty i caught hold of one nurse and asked her ” sister ! What happened? Why no one’s here ? I have to go on my rounds got a call from ICU already. Please give me the list of patients. “
With no interest in answering my query she went off and just said two words ” labour emergency”  I got it, today there is some very difficult delivery case.

Tensed first and then happy as I will get to see a tiny butter ball creature today just taking his/her first breath . Excited as always!
Waiting at the nursing station ,eager to hear that first cry, counting numbers and at the count of 1000 I heard that cry. It was melodious , cheerful, it was loud and yes it was what I wanted …a girl!!
Calls from ICU kept coming, my eagerness to see that innocent little life did not allow me to leave that place. The reaction on faces , parents and grandparents. Those teary eyes always said that we care…all that I waited to see. That bundle of joy did come out wrapped in pink colour towel as its a girl.

The nurse looked free and just being opportunistic I asked asked her ” can I touch the baby?”…she smiled and said ” yes madam, apply sanitizer and then touch” …I am done with that…I told her in hurry.
I touched her cheeks and god knows why but a thought just troubled me …is this the first touch of love and affection to you baby. If yes then I love you a lot. Welcome to the world!!!
I got curious , i felt a string attached with her… difficult to accumulate those feelings.
I asked the nurse ” sister where are family members, her father? “
She took a deep breath and said ” unmarried mother mam, the boyfriend refused to take the responsibility, father got her admitted. They requested for a normal delivery as the girl is getting married in next 3 months. Her father went to office. They didn’t want the marks of c section. The child is not fit we may keep in incubator. ”

I went numb, lost my balance for a moment, understood why that touch was so precious. The thought that lingered through my mind was, what about the child, who will take care, who will bear  the hospital expenses. I was thinking about the new life, the tiny tot, the bundle of joy, not seen the world yet, not felt mother’s touch. Mother didn’t see the child no attachments is what she hoped for.
I went to the nearest washroom and cried my lungs out. I washed my hands repeatedly was trying to erase that touch…it was not leaving me. One newly born meant nothing to someone…….too much to handle.

As my usual routine i went to pick my doll from school. I hugged her tight , the grip was firm than the regular. It was more of ” I need you ” .
While going back i asked her “how about having a ready-made baby girl in our house”….she looked puzzled and gave the most innocent answer ” i am ok…as long as she doesn’t call you mumma “.. i was laughing and crying at the same time.
Same question was repeated in the evening to my husband. And his answer was more practical “you share the hospital expense, the incubator charges, and may be some baby food. I am ok with that”

Next day I was carrying my 2months salary with me i ventured the NICU… And asked for the baby. And the answer that I got was horryfying shocking and all of that which I had not expected.
” Which baby you are talking about madam?”
” That unmarried mother baby?”
With very low i said yes…
” Oh that baby!!…we had to take off the oxygen supply madam, no one was ready to pay the charges, hospital admin refused to take care, we called multiple orphanages but no one agreed. “
” Ok then” i asked hoping for some optimism in the environment.
” Then what , baby dead, ward boy went to bury her. “

Nothing was coming out of me , no words , no emotions, I became numb for sometime. Horrified and not able to gather myself, looked at my wallet and the money inside that was shouting, ” you can’t get everything by giving me”
I left the room and only one thought came to me….” Why did she come to me for one day…?”

‘ why did she have a life for a day? ‘